Year of the Coq

$25.00 Sold Out

As the old saying goes, the zodiac animal hides in your heart. Well that’s a stupid saying, so we cornered the market on screenprinted torso covers celebrating the Year of the Rooster. These cock-a-doodle-doers feature metallic gold ink, were hand-pulled in Oakland, and are spun from an ambiguous blend of the finest fabrics we could source via the internet.

And now, your complimentary 2017 Zodiac Horoscope:

LOVE: Your love life will be mostly awesome or pretty bad, depending on your understanding Kant’s position on the categorical imperative.

CAREER: You will open a semi-profitable roller skating rink in Akron, Ohio which will be recognized by the Better Business Bureau as “a reputable and wholesome establishment.”

WEALTH: You will amass it, grow it, lose it, look for it, and find it again only to lose it again after a bad bet in an underground mule racing ring.

HEALTH: Unfortunately, you will contract and suffer from Stubbed Toe Syndrome in which everyone you see stubbs their toes, thus losing you friends but gaining you an addiction to Andy Capp’s Hot Fries.